


Angelic

by overthemoony



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Falling In Love, First Time, Fluff, Getting Together, M/M, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, and they have to drive in the impala home, as in cas doesn’t use his powers to transport them, he’s not dying tho, human!Cas, like probably a lot, smut coming in chapter 2
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-12
Updated: 2019-12-12
Packaged: 2021-02-25 23:40:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,186
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21773851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/overthemoony/pseuds/overthemoony
Summary: Cas feels like he’s being tortured over his thoughts of Dean, and he can’t get them out of his head. He’s in love with Dean, but he can’t ever let him know that.What happens when Dean figures out that something’s really up with Cas, and forces him to be honest?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 4
Kudos: 20





	Angelic

"Son of a bitch."

Cas looks over at Dean, experiencing an emotion that he can't exactly put words to. The word that he would choose to describe Dean at that moment would maybe be angelic - but in the human sense of the word, not the literal sense. No, saying that Dean was an asshole with wings wasn't what he meant to say.

Dean had just chopped off the last vamp's head, after they had taken on a small nest in some obscure part of Oklahoma. He had his right foot on the guy's chest, and was looking down at vamp with a look of serenity, knowing that he had just taken 1 more monster out of the world. He looked at peace with the world; he had done his part for it. Cas would give anything to see that look on Dean’s face more, where he didn’t look like he was truly such a broken man on the inside, one who had seen worse than hell. 

Because it was only a small nest, Sam had thought that it would be better for him to stay back and research, while Cas and Dean took down the nest together. That meant that Cas had just spent days tortured by Dean: tortured by his body, his voice, his goddamn  _ eyes. _

Cas had been feeling this way for months. He'd known for a while that the way he was feeling towards Dean wasn't precisely in the friendly or brotherly way, but something so much more. Something that encapsulated him, and wouldn't allow him to have another thought.

There was nothing he wouldn't give to kiss Dean right now. It didn't matter if he was kissing Dean or Dean was kissing him, he just needed to feel him-

"Uh, Cas? You've been staring at me for a while. I mean, I'm flattered, but... you good, buddy?"

But he wouldn't be able to feel him. Dean only thought of Cas as his "buddy," maybe his brother, but not someone he would ever want to be with romantically.

"Cas?"

"Sorry, Dean, I'm fine. I just got lost in my own thoughts, there's nothing to worry about."

"Whatever you say. Let's get a head start on going home then, I'm really not in the mood for some cheapass room with random flowers plastered over everything in sight."

Dean steps over the puddle of blood around the vamp's head and starts walking towards the door, and Cas realizes that he can't take this anymore. He can’t take this constant agony of being trapped within his own thoughts, just  _ wondering _ if he has a chance.

He doesn’t have a chance, and he knows that, but at the moment it’s all too much for him. He’d take being stabbed to death, over staying in this mindset of torment.

If Dean despises him after this… well, it would be deserved. Cas has certainly done enough things where he sometimes doesn’t understand why Dean doesn’t already hate him already, and being in love with the guy who’s as straight as they come probably isn’t going to help that list.

“C’mon dude. Remember, we want to get back to the bunker? A bed? Busty Asian Beauties? Well, I don’t think you care about that, but still. I do.”

“Dean?”

The look on Dean’s face changes from tiredness and slight fondness to concern in a split second. Dean knew Cas better than anyone else, and with one word, he could always tell if something was up with Cas.

But that look on his face - it was unhappiness, it was the opposite of the peace he had been feeling a second ago. It pained Cas to see it, and to realize that he was the one who put that look on Dean’s face in the first place. Saying what he wanted to say to Dean would only make that look worse, and Cas couldn’t do that to Dean. Cas loved him too much to make his life worse.

“Nevermind, sorry. I’m just out of it. Let’s just go home, I couldn’t bear to keep you away from your… Asian beauties for too long.” He gives Dean a half-smile; a pained one, at that.

“Cas. Don’t do this to me. I can tell when you’re lying, and I think I’ve told you about a million times that you’re the worst liar I’ve ever met.”

“Dean, leave it.” He knows he’ll probably hurt Dean by saying that, but his other option is not plausible. 

Dean looks at Cas, first with worry, and then with irritation. But hey, irritation beats hatred, right?

Dean then stalks out to the car, with Cas following behind him. Cas knows that it’s going to be a long 6-hour drive - Dean won’t talk to him, and he’ll probably blast some AC/DC song to cover the obvious silence. Then, Cas will just be sitting there with his own thoughts as his only company, and wondering how he ever got himself stuck in this position.

Sure enough, 3 hours in, Cas was exactly right. They were making their way through  _ High Voltage _ , and Dean was just looking ahead at the road, his eyes like rough emerald stones. Cas then looked at his hands, and noticed that they were tensing up, in a way that always showed when he was both tired and pissed, and probably shouldn’t be behind a wheel at the moment.

“Dean, do you want me to drive?” He practically has to yell over the music, but he knows it’s more than loud enough for Dean to hear. Not surprisingly, Dean continues to just glare ahead, but his hands further stress up.

“Dean!” Still, no response. Cas turns the music off, realizing that it gets rid of any excuses Dean could make for not hearing him.

“Can you pull over and let me drive? You look like you wouldn’t hesitate to hit something, and you do need to sleep, anyways.”

“Nah, I’m good. I really don’t want anything from you, especially when you’re being such an asshole.”

“Dean, I just don’t want you to have anything else to think about. It’s not me being an asshole, and I’m not lying to you.”

“If you’re not going to tell me what’s bothering you, then please, just fuck off already.” Cas just sits there for a moment - while Dean had gotten angry at him plenty of times before, he couldn’t remember when he’d literally been told to fuck off before.

Dean puts the music back on, and they’re back to where they were before. Except, somehow, Dean looks even more pissed than he did before.

Cas sits there for what feels like an hour, although it was probably closer to 5 minutes. While on the one hand, he can’t tell Dean what he’s really troubled about, he also can’t leave Dean in the emotional state that he’s in at the moment. 

Cas reaches to turn the music down again, but doesn’t turn it off all the way. Maybe having a little bit of “T.N.T.” in the background would make him slightly more approachable?

“Look, Dean. it’s not like I’m not telling you something that involves you, or that I did something bad. Also, I’m not dying, in case you’re thinking it’s that. It’s… something else. Please, Dean, just trust me with this.

Dean keeps driving for a moment, but Cas can already see the change in his demeanor. His hands are still gripping the wheel tightly, but there’s a vulnerability present that wasn’t there a moment ago, that’s often the source of where his temper is really coming from.

“Don’t you realize that whenever I ‘just trust you,’ it’s never a good thing? It’s always just better for everyone when we’re open with each other. I know I’m shit at that more than anyone else, but still, it hurts me when you keep stuff in that I know is killing you inside.” And there it is, there are those words that Cas know are true but he can’t accept.

“I know that. I do. But, Dean… it’s just better if you don’t know.”

It takes Cas by a bit of a surprise when seemingly out of nowhere, Dean pulls over. He turns the music off, and just sits there for a moment, before turning to Cas.

“Ok, this is what we’re doing. You’re going to tell me exactly what you’re thinking about, and you’re not going to lie. We’re not going anywhere until you’re honest with me.”

“Dean, I can’t. Can’t you just listen to me? It’s not something that you need to know, I promise.”

“Yeah, well, your promise ain’t enough.”

“Dean-“

“Nuh-uh. Talk.”

Cas just sits there for a moment, wondering what he could do. He could still try and lie to Dean, but he knows that Dean was right when he said that he was the worst at lying.

So what now? He tells Dean how he actually feels, that he’s in love with him? Something told Cas that that was a really bad idea. But, he only has two options, and this was eventually going to come up in the end of it all. Maybe… maybe he should just do it, so they could continue their drive and silence and Dean could finally understand why he should hate Cas.

“Dean, are you sure?”

“Did you miss the whole ‘I’m not moving till you tell me’ part? Yes, I’m fucking sure.” There’s some form of nervousness now hovering around in Dean’s eyes, and Cas knows that he can’t leave Dean like that. He just can’t.

“I- I’m in love with you. Not in a friendly way, not in a brotherly way, but in a romantic way.” Cas says the words and closes his eyes, waiting for his world to crash down around him.

Cas probably sits like that for two minutes, until he starts to wonder what’s up with Dean. He had expected some form of a reaction, probably with severe anger, or something like that.

He glances over at Dean, and when he does, Dean just looks… dumbfounded. When he sees Dean preparing to speak, he wants to look away from the incoming pain, but he just can’t.

“Repeat that again.” Now it’s Cas’s turn to stare at Dean, like he doesn’t understand English. Of all the things he thought Dean would say, that was not one of them.

“I’m in love with you, Dean.” His voice is trembling now, and he just wants this to be over. Why would Dean do this to him, make him repeat this thing that’s been torturing him for so long?

“Alright, correct me if I’m wrong. You’re in love with me?”

“Yes, that’s what I said.” Cas knows that he doesn’t have the right to get exasperated in this situation, but he does anyway. 

“Holy fuck, Cas.” After those words, Cas is expecting Dean’s face to turn to hatred or anger, but it doesn’t. It looks more like… but no, it can’t be.

Then, Dean’s pushing Cas against the window, and Cas knew this was coming. Although it took a few minutes for it to kick in, Cas knew that it would result in Dean despising him.

But, the next thing that happens generally isn’t associated with hatred.

Dean’s kissing Cas. He’s moving his hands all over Cas’s body like he can’t get enough, like he’s been waiting for this for an eternity. Dean’s now pushing his whole body against Cas, and he’s grinding them together and  _ oh god, that feels good. _

When it sounds like Dean’s starting to lose his breath, he pulls back, now inches away from Cas’s face, their noses brushing against each other.

“I love you too. I mean, I’ve been in love for you for more than a few years at this point, but I’m guessing you have too?” Cas nods, unable to form words.

What the fuck?

“Yeah, I know.” Oh, he said that out loud, didn’t he. He’s not exactly thinking straight though, and a lot of his thoughts are going south, so he can’t exactly blame himself.

Dean’s just looking at him now, like there a significant depth to his eyes. When Cas gazes straight into Dean’s eyes, it’s like an endless green ocean, with different emotions swimming all throughout it.

When Cas takes more of Dean in, from his mussed hair to his gruff that might be to for a shave, and his thumb that’s rhythmically stroking back and forth over Cas’s exposed hip, there’s only one word that can really cover it.

“You’re angelic.”

“I’m a narcissistic dick who has powers? Wow. Cas, I think we need to work on your flirting skills.”

“No, Dean, I mean-“ Dean chuckles, effectively cutting Cas off. 

“Cas, I get that you don’t mean it literally. Trust me. Although, your flirting skills are in desperate need of assistance, but I think that’s a problem for another time?” Cas doesn’t get why he’s phrasing his words like a question, until he notices Dean’s hand again, and it’s crawling further south.

“That sounds like a plan.” Cas grins, and then Dean smirks, dangerously. 

“Backseat?”  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading so far! I’ll add a part 2 soon, with lots of smut. If you enjoyed this, I’d love if you left kudos and/or commented :)


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